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Hold It 'Til It Hurts

ebook
1 of 1 copy available
1 of 1 copy available

Finalist for the 2013 PEN/Faulkner Award

"The magnificence of Hold It 'Til It Hurts is not only in the prose and the story but also in the book's great big beating heart. These complex and compelling characters and the wizardry of Johnson's storytelling will dazzle and move you from first page to last. Novels don't teach us how to live but Hold It 'Til It Hurts will make you hush and wonder."—Anthony Swofford, author of Jarhead

"This rich and sophisticated first novel brings together pleasures rarely found in one book: Hold It 'Til It Hurts is a novel about war that goes in search of passionate love, a dreamy thriller, a sprawling mystery, a classical quest for a lost brother in which the shadowy quarry is clearly the seeker's own self, and a meditation on family and racial identity that makes its forerunners in American fiction look innocent by comparison."—Jaimy Gordon, National Book Award winner for Lord of Misrule



When Achilles Conroy and his brother Troy return from a tour of duty in Afghanistan, their white mother presents them with the key to their past: envelopes containing details about their respective birth parents. After Troy disappears, Achilles—always his brother's keeper—embarks on a harrowing journey in search of Troy, an experience that will change him forever.

Heartbreaking, intimate, and at times disturbing, Hold It 'Til It Hurts is a modern-day odyssey through war, adventure, disaster, and love, and explores how people who do not define themselves by race make sense of a world that does.



T. Geronimo Johnson was born in New Orleans, Louisiana. His fiction and poetry have appeared in Best New American Voices, Indiana Review, Los Angeles Review of Books, and Illuminations, among others. A graduate of the Iowa Writers' Workshop and a former Stegner Fellow at Stanford University, Johnson teaches writing at the University of California-Berkeley. Hold It 'Til It Hurts is his first book.

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    • Publisher's Weekly

      June 18, 2012
      This powerful, stylish debut novel from New Orleans native and former Stegner fellow Johnson concerns a 22-year-old black man adopted and raised by a white couple who is trying to make sense and order of his life after three years of serving two Army tours in Afghanistan. Achilles and his younger brother Troy Conroy return to Hagerstown, Md., as their father’s wake is in progress. News of his death had failed to reach them at Bagram AFB, and soon after their return, Anna, their mother, divulges information about their birth parents. Both brothers are transracial adoptees with different biological parents, but “easygoing” Achilles only cares about taking care of the “reckless” Troy, who slips away to New Orleans, presumably on a quest to locate his biological parents. Achilles follows Troy to New Orleans where his trail mysteriously vanishes. In the course of his dogged search for Troy, Achilles sparks a romance with the “classic rich hippy” Ines Delesseppes, from whom he keeps secrets (such as his adoption). Hurricane Katrina forms and begins its march to New Orleans as Achilles, after getting a lead on his brother’s whereabouts from an old Army pal, leaves to track down the errant Troy in Atlanta where disturbing news awaits. The stark backstory fleshing out Achilles and Troy’s arduous combat duty over in “Goddamnistan” smartly plays off the thorough exploration of modern American attitudes on race, war, and family in this richly textured debut.

    • Kirkus

      Starred review from August 15, 2012
      Afghanistan's brutal war and Hurricane Katrina's ominous shadow haunt Johnson's powerful literary debut. It is 2004, and Achilles and Troy Conroy return home to once-rural, now McMansion-ed, Maryland after tours in the same airborne infantry squad in "Goddamnistan." The brothers expect a surprise party, but the surprise is that their father had been killed in an auto accident just as they began transit home. That shock is compounded by news that their parents had been living apart. The brothers are African-American, and their parents white. Their mother gives them each an envelope that contains information about their biological parents. Achilles refuses to open his envelope, while Troy, the younger, sets off in pursuit of his history without telling either his mother or brother. Johnson's descriptions of the very different brothers, of anecdotes from Afghanistan and of New Orleans are brilliant. Wages, Achilles' squad leader in "Goddamnistan," calls and reports that he has seen Troy in New Orleans. Achilles pursues Troy there, ostensibly for his mother, for family, but truly because he has been his brother's keeper since youth. Troy searches drug dens, morgues and shelters for Troy without success, but over the months there, he meets and becomes lovers with Ines Delesseppes, a shelter coordinator he first believes to be white. But the Delesseppes family, ensconced in the Garden District since 1806, is thoroughly New Orleans, "we're Creole, not mulatto, or octoroon or quadroon," a mixture Ines celebrates in spite of her white appearance. Achilles, Troy, Ines and the men of the infantry squad are archetypical yet singularly distinctive, thoroughly and believably human. The depth, complexity and empathy within Johnson's narrative explores issues great and small--race, color and class, the wounds of war suffered by individuals and nations, the complications and obligations of brotherhood and familial love. Transcendent contemporary American literary fiction, a rich and passionate story rewarding enough to be read again.

      COPYRIGHT(2012) Kirkus Reviews, ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

    • Library Journal

      August 1, 2012

      As Iowa Writers' Workshop graduate Johnson shows us in his first novel, life is messy, elating, and complicated. The narrative revolves around Achilles Conroy, who has returned from a tour of duty in Iraq to learn that his father has died. Both Achilles and his brother are black, born of different parents, and their adoptive parents are white. Following the funeral, their mother gives them their birth parents' information. Troy immediately embarks on a journey to find them and disappears. So Achilles begins his own journey two weeks later to find his missing brother. In addition to the strong story (and perhaps to capture the authenticity of life), the author pays keen attention to detail: "He considered making a dental appointment, solely for that moment when the hygienist flossed his teeth. Routine sure, but it felt so damn good, almost self-indulgent, so indescribably delicious that he'd never admitted to anyone how much he enjoyed the sensation." VERDICT Recalling Rula Jubreal's Miral, this novel addresses complex themes of war, love, kinship, and race yet has the tension of a thriller. For all readers of literary fiction.--Ashanti White, Univ. of North Carolina, Greensboro

      Copyright 2012 Library Journal, LLC Used with permission.

    • Booklist

      September 15, 2012
      In this intense debut novel, New Orleans native Johnson richly details the story of adopted brothers Achilles and Troy Conroy, twentysomething black soldiers who have recently returned from Afghanistan to find that their father has died. Their white mother presents them with envelopes containing their birth parents' information, and Troy soon disappears. Achilles, who has always regarded himself as his brother's protector, takes off after him in a months-long quest that sees him traveling from New Orleans to Atlanta. Along the way, he falls in love with the rich do-gooder Ines Delesseppes, is tortured by harrowing memories of his tours in Goddamnistan, and sifts his pain and guilt over his mixed racial identity. While Hurricane Katrina batters New Orleans, Achilles receives devastating news about his brother's fate. Johnson tells both a love story and a quest story while unleashing pointed social critiques, all the while taking readers into the turmoil of an ex-soldier seeking to reconcile his own conflicting emotions about war, family, and race. An impressive debut from a writer to watch.(Reprinted with permission of Booklist, copyright 2012, American Library Association.)

    • Library Journal

      November 1, 2012

      Two black brothers, born of different parents and adopted by a white couple, go on a quest: Troy to find his birth parents and Achilles to find Troy. Johnson's touching first novel is rigorously detailed.

      Copyright 2012 Library Journal, LLC Used with permission.

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